Lock'ards

"Alright love. That's it, back her up slowly. Slowly, alright, come on now, lock 'ard, LOCK 'ARD There you go love."
This was what the dodgy dude on Dominic Street said to me this morning as I availed of the FREE parking. Free my ar$e! He stood there, looking at me, waiting for a few bob as I got out. My blood was boiling. I started to walk away.
"Have you not got a few quid to spare? I'm minding yessir car for ya."
"If you're still here when I get back, you'll get some dough."
"Cheeky bitch!" he said and sauntered off towards another easy coin.
Delighted to have given him his comeuppance I ambled towards the Ilac Centre. I knew I'd been foolish though; there'd probably be a scrape on the car when I got back.
Thankfully there wasn't. Nor was there any sign of the Lock'ard. Those chancers drive me nuts!